So proud to be British

How could I not be when we have such a wonderful upstanding press? Take the Daily Mail, which forever defends this island against politicians of a socialist bent, immigrants and those cunning, waxed-moustachioed Europeans. This fine example of all that is best about British honesty and fair play has, the Economist reveals:

[paid a Pole] to drive a Polish-registered car to Britain and spend a few days breaking parking laws and speed limits with a photographer in tow, to demonstrate that Poles and other eastern European immigrants flout British rules with impunity.

When challenged as to the accuracy of this allegation, the Mail reporter claimed it was OK because they only committed civil offences, not criminal ones.

So, in summary, deliberately procuring people to break the law is fine upstanding British values, slandering immigrants and deceiving your readers is an essential part of our proud island’s history, but exercising your right of free movement within the EU is an abomination that must be stamped out immediately. See also under “Human Rights”