For xenophobes and numismatists

The Royal Mint has shown off its new coin designs, reports the Guardian, and they are pretty grim. Designed to look like bits of the royal coat of arms, that perfect symbol of everything British, the coins’ design works when they are arranged in a rather odd pattern (see the pic on the Graun website), but not in other ways.

For starters, there’s no numerical statement of value, so if you’re someone who doesn’t understand the English words “one”, “fifty” and “twenty”, for instance, you can just piss off back to Bongo Bongo Land or wherever you came from, with compliments of the Royal Mint.

What’s more, the royal coat of arms itself is not without unfortunate historical echos. No Wales, of course, which is part of England in heraldic terms (goodbye, Welsh Assembly), and the inclusion of the Irish harp, bits of which appear on the penny and the 50p, has a long story behind it.

Bring on the Euro, please.